Healthcare bill -- morbidly obese? (Weigh here)

By some accounts, it weighs 70 pounds. It is 1,990 pages long. It is 1 foot tall. And if House Speaker Nancy Pelosi thinks she has the votes, the healthcare reform bill touted by President Obama should be on the House floor for a vote on Saturday.

You can read the entire bill here.

Or just watch Comedy Central's Jon Stewart making fun of critics of the bill's gargantuan size here.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Health Care: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

-- Johanna Neuman

If you click here, you'll get Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or follow us @latimestot. And we're also over here on Facebook.

After the affair -- woes of Nevada's John Ensign continue

It was early summer when Sen. John Ensign (R-Nev.) admitted to an extramarital affair in a clipped statement intended to limit the damage to a few news cycles.

Considering the story broke about the same time as South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s admission of infidelity -- which was a little more Harlequin romance and therefore more interesting -- Ensign seemed destined to fade from the headlines. Instead, the saga has dragged on so long that we suspect we’ll be talking about Johnny Casino come Christmas.

This week, Las Vegas TV reporter and columnist George Knapp reported that ABC’s “Nightline” is slated to air an interview with the most aggrieved of political spouses: Doug Hampton. The Ticket’s calls to ABC News were not immediately returned.

Hampton was essentially Ensign’s co-chief of staff until his wife, Cynthia Hampton, also an Ensign aide, became the senator’s mistress. (For a taste of Hampton’s substantial vitriol, take a look at this interview with local commentator Jon Ralston.) “This is extra bad news for Ensign since ‘Nightline’ has the freedom to devote much more airtime to a story than, say, an evening newscast,” Knapp wrote.

In other Ensign news, Twitter has silenced an ongoing salty parody of him by local scribe Andrew Kiraly. He’s vowed to find a way to revive it, which would likely not bode well for the senator. So much for this affair -- and mockery of it -- quietly dying.

-- Ashley Powers

If you click here, you'll get Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or follow us @latimestot. And we're also over here on Facebook.

Photo: John Ensign. Credit: Associated Press

Houston man refuses to vote electronically, proceeds to go home and complain on the Internet

Could we even call it election day without a completely absurd poll story?

Here's the best one the Ticket has found so far: A Houston man named Rad Rich shows up at his neighborhood polling place, expresses discontent with the philosophy of electronic voting and is told he can't log his votes without using a computer, according to the Houston Press.

Naturally, Rich's distaste for voting on computers led him to lodge a public complaint -- using a computer.

"I was told I cant vote because I refuse to use the computers so I was denied the right to vote," Rich wrote on the Hands Up Houston message board, according to the Houston Press. "I have filed a complaint."

In a follow-up with the Press, Rich said his protest wasn't due to a computer allergy but instead because he is skeptical of computer voting.

An absentee ballot would have eased his worries, but voters must swear they will be out of town on election day in order to receive a paper ballot.

We realize this story is a little ridiculous, but it raises an interesting question. With polls increasingly going digital, should election officials be required to offer a dead-tree version for the computer-phobic? Tell us what you think.

-- Mark Milian

Photo credit: Associated Press

Bernard Kerik, onetime Homeland Security pick, pleads guilty to influence-peddling

Remember Bernard Kerik? The former New York police commissioner, widely praised after Sept. 11 and for work on security in Iraq, was supposed to be secretary of Homeland Security under President Bush.

Today, in a New York courtroom, Kerik pleaded guilty to influence peddling. It was the climax of a fall that began in 2004. Back then, his withdrawal as Bush’s pick for Homeland Security was swift. Consider this. On Dec. 3, 2004, The Times reported these glowing comments about his nomination:

Supporters of Kerik who watched him lead the New York Police Department through the attacks on the World Trade Center said he was up to the job.

"He has always been a very strong leader," said Patrick J. Lynch, president of the New York City Patrolmen’s Benevolent Assn., the police union. "He understands security needs, especially in response to terrorism."

Sen. Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.) said in a statement that Kerik knew "the great needs and challenges this country faces in homeland security."

"He has a strong law enforcement background, and I believe will do an excellent job in fighting for the resources and focus that homeland security needs and deserves in our post-9/11 world," Schumer said.

Then on Dec. 11, we wrote:

Former New York Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik on Friday abruptly withdrew himself from consideration as the nation’s next Homeland Security chief, saying he had determined that a former household employee might have been an illegal immigrant.

Kerik’s unexpected withdrawal cast a temporary cloud over President Bush’s second-term Cabinet, and appeared likely to revive the contentious issues raised by the "nannygate" disclosures that derailed two of former President Clinton’s high-level nominees.

And with some prescience, the writers ended their story with this:

Trouble often followed Kerik. As a young soldier in South Korea, he fathered a child out of wedlock. As NYPD commissioner, he was fined $2,500 for sending two police officers to Ohio to help research his bestselling 2001 memoir, "The Lost Son: A Life in Pursuit of Justice."

When the book’s publisher, Judith Regan, reported her cellphone stolen after a visit to a Fox Television studio, detectives reportedly showed up at the homes of Fox employees who had been on the set at the time.

A Senate GOP aide speculated about Kerik’s withdrawal: "It was probably a mounting list of potentially embarrassing issues, and they decided to cut their losses before it got worse. Good timing too: late on a Friday night."

-- Steve Padilla

If you click here, you'll get Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or follow us @latimestot. And we're also over here on Facebook.

File photo: Bernard Kerik. Credit: Associated Press

Now that Garamendi's gone, Schwarzenegger has a decision to make

California Lt. Gov. John Garamendi was sworn in as a member of Congress today. He will represent the Bay Area's 10th Congressional District. He's a Democrat, but his rise creates an opportunity for Republicans, as we'll explain in just a bit.

Garamendi won the seat with almost 53% of the vote in a special election on Tuesday, soundly defeating Republican businessman David Harmer.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi swore Garamendi in. She said his win, along with the election Tuesday of New York Democrat Bill Owens, meant one important thing: Two more Democratic votes when the healthcare overhaul hits the floor of the House on Saturday.

Mark Silva has more on what Pelosi said over at our snappy new blog about the goings-on in Washington, D.C. Now.

Garamendi's new gig means the lieutenant governor's seat is now empty.

And that means, as our colleague in Sacramento, Shane Goldmacher, explains today, that Republican Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger now has the power to name a replacement. Except that Schwarzenegger's choice will have to be confirmed by the Democratic-dominated Legislature -- which could set up a political showdown.

-- Kate Linthicum

And you have the power to get Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Simply click here, or follow us @latimestot.

Photo: John Garamendi and his wife, Patti, celebrate his election victory Tuesday night. Credit: Associated Press.

Ron Paul to Federal Reserve: Open your books

In February, Texas Republican and Libertarian darling Ron Paul introduced a bill directing the U.S. comptroller general to audit the Federal Reserve's books.

Paul, who ran for president last year, wants the Fed to open the door on all of its secret transactions -- the talks with foreign banks, the deliberations on monetary policy, the activities of the Open Market Committee, and the communications with the regional reserve banks.

In the shadows of Wall Street's collapse last year, he has attracted more 300 co-sponsors, including 130 Democrats.

But this week, he charged, the provision was gutted from the landmark financial reform legislation being marked up by Barney Frank's Financial Services Committee. Paul blamed the chair of the subcommittee on monetary policy, North Carolina Democrat Mel Watt, whose Charlotte district is home to the headquarters of Bank of America, the nation's largest commercial bank.

Arguing that the Fed is hiding the extent of U.S. dependence on printing new money, Paul -- who is hoping to get the provision restored in the bill before it gets to the House floor --  told MSNBC today that the big spending masks a serious crisis in the value of the dollar.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Critics worry that robbing the Fed of its ability to deliberate in private will result in a weakened central financial structure -- and put Congress in charge of managing the nation's money supply.

But Paul, a physician, argues that a doctor would never hide from a cancer patient the extent of his illness, and that hiding the Fed's books amounts to kidding ourselves about the impact of its policies.

"We're still kidding ourselves," he said. "You have to bite the bullet, you have to admit the truth.... It's sort of like trying to get somebody off drugs.... Keeping them on the drug -- which is  easy money, easy spending and huge deficits and all that -- that will kill the patient, and the patient for me is the dollar.... And when you see gold up at $1,100 at ounce, that's a little bit of a warning signal."

-- Johanna Neuman

Photo credit: Bleier / Getty Images

If you click here, you'll get Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or follow us @latimestot. And we're also over here on Facebook.

Tea Party activists swarm Capitol Hill -- can they kill healthcare bill?

The Tea Party is coming to Washington today.

Minnesota's firebrand Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann stoked the rebellion by organizing today's noontime rally against healthcare reform on the steps of the Capitol. Galvanizing the anger that erupted over the issue at last summer's congressional town hall meetings, she urged her loyal band of citizen lobbyists to "Go into the Capitol and find members of Congress. Don't bring your pitchforks, bring your video cameras. And get them on record saying how they're going to vote and why."

Predicting that the healthcare bill would impose huge tax increases on Americans, Bachmann called the battle "the Super Bowl of Freedom," adding: "Nothing is more influential than an eyeball-to-eyeball meeting between a freedom-loving constituent and a member of Congress. Nothing scares a member of Congress more than freedom-loving Americans."

Heeding the call but unable to make the trip, some activists in Arkansas are planning to engage in what might be called a Fax Fight, besieging their elected officials via fax -- all at noon -- with demands to kill the healthcare bill. They are especially targeting Arkansas Democrat Mike Ross, one of the Blue Dog Democrats from swing districts where a vote for a healthcare bill with a public option could spell political trouble at home.

The Capitol phone system can probably handle the traffic. As for the political system, not so clear.

President Obama is planning to lobby members of Congress personally Friday, touting a bill that has defined his first year in office. And House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, planning a Saturday vote, is corralling the Blue Dog Democrats, many sobered by Tuesday's election results.

-- Johanna Neuman

Photo: Police watch over protesters outside Portsmouth High School last July as President Obama held a town hall meeting on healthcare. Credit: McCollester / Getty Images

If you click here, you'll get Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or follow us @latimestot. And we're also over here on Facebook.

So much Obama damage control that David Axelrod even talks to Fox News

Here's how desperate Obama administration spokesmen were Wednesday to fill the info void they'd created by hiding away during the previous night's bad news election returns:

David Axelrod, an ex-newspaper reporter but one of the lead Obama attackers against the Fox News Channel in recent weeks, actually granted an interview to the Fox News Channel. To Major Garrett.

Obama aides knew full well in advance that election night was not going to go well for them and the commentators would connect the dots back to Obama and VP Joe Biden because, well, that pair has been so actively campaigning and money-raising all over.  

So no administration spokesmen appeared during the evening news storm. They passed word ...

Fox News pulls huge election day ratings

If you followed the suspense of Tuesday's elections, odds are you landed on Fox News.

Fox News Channel absolutely crushed the other networks in prime-time election coverage ratings.

Despite -- or perhaps thanks to -- being on the Obama White House enemies list recently.

Between 5 p.m. and 8 p.m. (8 p.m. to 11 p.m. Eastern time), Fox News grabbed 4.04 million viewers, according to Nielsen Media Research.

The other outlets weren't even close.

MSNBC had 974,000 viewers. The CNN-owned HLN (previously CNN2 or CNN Headline News) had 842,000, and CNN trailed with 826,000.

Even with the CNN networks' combined 1.67 million viewers, it was still way behind Fox News in viewership.

Fox News even dominated in the younger 25-54 age demographic with 1.13 million. The three other networks combined don't even touch that number.

The divide between Fox News and MSNBC somewhat underscores the big win for Republicans in New Jersey and Virginia, though not the loss of a conservative congressional candidate in New York. The big numbers for Fox News, often considered a right-leaning network, demonstrates that conservatives nationwide may have kept a close eye on the East Coast competitions.

-- Mark Milian

Related items:

Inside Tuesday's election: The lessons and warnings for Obama and the GOP

Social conservatives sense a change in the air

Fox News is evil--unless you're selling an Obama book

If you click here, you'll get Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or follow us @latimestot. And we're also over here on Facebook.

Photo: New Jersey Gov.-elect Chris Christie. Credit: Associated Press

Gay rights slip in Maine, advance in Kalamazoo

Gay rights advocates may be saddened about the election results in Maine, where voters overturned a law allowing same-sex marriage. But they are cheered by the action of voters in Michigan, specifically Kalamazoo.

An ordinance that grants anti-discrimination protections to gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender individuals was overwhelmingly approved Tuesday. As the Kalamazoo Gazette reports, “The ordinance passed 7,671 to 4,731, making Kalamazoo the 16th city in Michigan to adopt such a gay-rights ordinance that grants the protections in the areas of employment, housing and public accommodations.”

This all prompted a comment by Jarrett Barrios, president of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. “In Kalamazoo, Mich., fairness prevailed,” Barrios said in a statement. “Voters sent a message that all hardworking people should be treated fairly and have the chance to earn a living and provide for themselves and their families without fear of being fired for reasons that have nothing to do with their job performance.” (Barrios also noted that, in early results, a majority of voters in Washington state were supporting a law that expands the state's domestic partnership law.)

For those of a certain age, Kalamazoo is associated with the song “I’ve Got a Gal in Kalamazoo,” which gave us the immortal phrase “a real pipperoo.” Perhaps a younger generation will associate the city with gay rights instead.

-- Steve Padilla

If you click here, you'll get Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or follow us @latimestot. And we're also over here on Facebook.

Photo: Two supporters of gay marriage watch election results come in Tuesday night in Maine. Credit: Carolyn Cole/Los Angeles Times